Mindfulness: Going Beyond The Current Trend

It seems mindfulness has become the tour de jour in 2015. It is everywhere. Parade Magazine called mindfulness meditation the number one health booster, the hottest well-being trend of our time. It is now used by the U.S. military to prepare soldiers for war and treat them for PTSD when they get back. Companies like Google are using mindfulness to enable employees to work harder for longer hours. A recent headline I found in Forbes magazine sums up the whole trend:

“Overworked and Overwhelmed? Use These Mindfulness Secrets to Restore Balance In 2015.”

The article opens with the following words, “Stress and burnout are all-too-frequent for executives…. But feeling overworked and overwhelmed not only reduces engagement and productivity, it also erodes happiness and personal health. What to do? Mindfulness is the answer.

Some of the benefits of mindfulness touted in the article include such attributes as flow, completely absorbed in work, elevated, a little bit of swagger, transparency, a sense of humor, calm, clear, confident, intentional, and laser-like focus.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this, of course, but from a Buddhist perspective the purpose of mindfulness goes much deeper. Most of the techniques used under the rubric of mindfulness in the popular culture focus on the peace that comes from a concentrated and calm mind, which can bring a lot of relief from the stress we face in our everyday world. But calming, concentrated meditation alone will not necessarily bring us wisdom, promote ethical behavior and ultimately lead to liberation from suffering. While concentration is a cornerstone of mindfulness practice, it can also be used in the service of the ego, for achievement and competition, to dominate others and to be selfish. It will not necessarily give us a perspective on ourselves, our suffering and the suffering we may cause others.

If we simply focus on entering calm peaceful states and staying there, we don’t gain any insights into who we are and all the neurotic stories and lies we can tell ourselves that fosters the illusion of a separate permanent self. In essence, by simply making the mind calm, without paying attention, we miss everything about us that makes us human.

Pema Chödrön puts it this way, “The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

Vipassana (Insight) meditation is really a balancing act between mindfulness and concentration. Mindfulness grows by using the lens of a concentrated mind to look at whatever is passing without judgment, realizing and accepting what is the truth and then letting go. Bhante Gunaratana writes, “Mindfulness is cultivated by a gentle effort. Persistence and a light touch of the senses. It is cultivated by constantly pulling ourselves back to a state of awareness, gently, gently, gently, over and over again.”

Mindfulness leads to wisdom, not by trying to achieve anything, but by simply investigating how things really are for us in the present moment. It does not involve trying to analyze, blame, or fix anything. Instead, we face our thoughts, emotions and body sensations with a kind and detached discernment. Investigating this “self” that continues to arise and pass away in all its many forms. As Gil Fronsdal writes, “We learn to live with openness and trust rather than with a self-image and all the self-criticism, aversion and pride that can come with it. In mindfulness practice, none of our humanity is denied. We are discovering a way to be present to everything – our full humanity – so everything becomes a gate to freedom, to compassion and to ourselves.

Mindful Communication: The Gift of Wise Speech

The Buddha singled out wise speech as one of the important factors for awakening. It is part of the eight fold path, leading to the cessation of suffering and the realization of self-awakening. Like other parts of the path, wise speech requires effort, mindfulness and spiritual wisdom on our part to avoid harming others as well as ourselves. It is one of the most profound practices we can undertake off the meditation cushion and one of the greatest gifts we can give others. As Joseph Goldstein writes, “The care it takes to avoid harmful speech creates a vast playing field of mindfulness in our daily lives.”

Wise speech is rooted in learning to avoid four unwholesome verbal actions that cause harm to others and ourselves. These are lying (false speech), using harsh or aggressive language, divisive speech (backbiting and gossiping) and frivolous (or useless) conversation. Or put in positive terms, wise speech means speaking in ways that are trustworthy, comforting, harmonious, and worth taking to heart. When we practice these positive forms of speech, our words become a gift to others. The benefit of this practice is that people are more likely to listen to you and respond in kind.

One way to practice wise speech is to listen to our internal monologue. What is the tone of voice we use within our mind? Do we have a tendency to build ourselves up or put ourselves down? How often do we complain, compare, and judge ourselves? It is likely that your internal and external talk run in parallel tracks, so if we can hear and improve our internal monologue, it will help us hear and improve the way that we speak with others.

The more we practice wise speech, the more we see that the way we act shapes our experience and the world around us. If we can take some time to investigate the feelings behind our words, we may begin to uncover hidden or confused motives behind our speech. Self-righteous words may be a cover for anger. Angry words may be a cover for fear. Gossiping may be an attempt to try and reaffirm and strengthen our feelings of self-worth. Sometimes we engage in frivolous banter to cover up a feeling of unworthiness or a need for approval.

The point of practicing wise speech, however, is not to beat ourselves up. As meditation instructor Dr. Shahara Godfrey states in an interview published on Spirit Rock’s website, “the whole point is that the practice gives us the opportunity to try again and again. And we will make mistakes. Yet, how can we be kind to ourselves in a moment when we know we have made a mistake? I think the beauty of the practice is that we get an opportunity to practice Wise Speech over and over again with so many different people and in so many different situations.”

Exercises for Practicing Wise Speech

Here are two exercises that you might find useful for cultivating wise speech in your daily life.

Say Only What It True and Helpful: A succinct summary of wise speech in the Buddha’s words could be paraphrased as “say only what is true and helpful.”  With this in mind, see if you’d like to pick one day a week (or month) to focus on speaking only words that to the best of your knowledge are truthful and beneficial to those on the receiving end of your words. This requires mindfulness to see what is really true for us in the moment. Unless we are aware of our true experience, it is hard to be truthful in our speech.

Give Up Gossip: Choose a time period of perhaps a day or a week.  Then commit to not saying anything about other people unless they are in your presence. Whenever you find yourself tempted to gossip, try to recognize the underlying motive.

For each of these exercises take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your experience.  Notice the sense of integrity and strength that comes from holding to the truth, treating people with respect, and refusing to succumb to hurtful talk. Also notice when you have temptations to stretch the truth or gossip. See if you can discern some of the hidden agendas behind these impulses. The point of these exercises isn’t to criticize ourselves, but to simply notice what words arise out of our mouths and investigate the subtle motives behind them. This is an opportunity to attend to the habitual emotions or thoughts that may block us from using our words in a more truthful and harmonious manner.

With practice, our speech can grow wiser and our hearts become lighter. We begin to see the suffering that unmindful speech causes ourselves and those around us. We see how unmindful listening creates a feeling of separation between us and others, and constricts our heart. As our speech becomes more mindful, compassionate and kind, we will sense greater harmony in our lives and promote greater peace among all beings in this world.

Car Alarm Lovingkindness

As I move through my daily life, I know that one of my motivations to stay steadfast in my practice is to support my capacity to respond to the moments of everyday life with more patience, wisdom and care. I have the direct experience of how my practice lessons my suffering and, thus, the suffering of those whom I come in contact with throughout the day. I also know that I am practicing for the inevitable moments when the alarm bells will ring.

I had just one of those “alarm bell” moments recently: While at the gym, relaxed in the let-it-all-go end-of-yoga-class resting pose, I heard my name and “please come to the front desk” ring down the hall. Before I could get there, front desk staff found and informed me that my car had been broken into in the parking lot. My purse was in the trunk.

Fortunately, though my trunk was opened, somehow my purse wasn’t stolen, I was able to quickly change out my bank accounts, and everything turned out fine. What was challenging was my internal experience– a nervous system kicked into survival mode despite a false alarm.

On the day of the event and in the days following, the seeds I’d planted (over years) in my lovingkindness practice produced fruits that lessened my suffering. I had compassion for myself and, on a day following the event, in a moment when I was acknowledging the suffering of the man who broke into my car and sending him well-wishes for healing and peace, the fear running through my mind and body dropped– we were both human beings experiencing suffering, both human beings wanting healing and peace. It was all ok. This level of ease did not last, as a nervous system calms down in its own time, but that moment of no longer experiencing the man who broke into my car as “other” set my mind/heart free. This is the healing power of lovingkindness.

How might our lives change if we were to cultivate the capacity to turn unconditional friendliness, unobstructed well-wishes toward ourselves throughout our daily life? How might this lovingkindness towards our own being then ripple out towards others? Surely, we will each have multitudes of opportunities to inquire, to receive and know our direct experience, as we continue to walk our path.

May all beings be well.

May all beings know healing and peace.